Cleanliness, cleanliness, cleanliness, my darling
by: Renaye

I was washing the toilet bowl in the evening when I was drifted back to an old conversation I had with my ex-housemate about toilet bowl. At that time, I just moved into his house and he was giving me a short tour of his cozy sleek modern semi-d house, and I don’t remember clearly how and why the tour ended in his bathroom with him holding the toilet bowl brush in a post of a model would market a lipstick. The next minute he was lecturing me on how to clean the toilet bowl. All I knew that was not in my tour schedule.

I still remembered him telling me that the toilet bowl has to be cleaned with extra care because it is highly toxic with our *ahem*. I nodded at him with large puppy eyes. His eyes smiled like a small boy had been bribed with some candy after knowing some secrets. He then swung the brush into action with his other hand pouring some solution into the toilet bowl telling me in a tone like a teacher to students on how to clean the toilet bowl. And I didn’t realize until that moment he was exemplifying it. I amplified my puppy eyes and my smile to hide my terror and horror. He on the other hand was enjoying the illustration.

It was pure torture.

My eyes kept following his brush movement from the toilet bowl to the toilet seat – back and front – and then back to the toilet bowl where your *ahem* awaits you to flush them. Luckily he ended the lesson before my soul decided to leave me for good.

The movements of the toilet brush really made me nauseous. Imagine yourself sitting on the toilet seat with traces of your ahem. You don’t believe me? Ok… give me another chance to explain it. You use the toilet brush to scrub off the stain of your potty in the toilet bowl and then you use it to scrub the invincible germs on the toilet seat where you usually seat. Do you see what I see now? Yes indeed. You are actually putting extra bacteria on the toilet seat. You still don’t get it? In simple words: do you touch your own potty produce? Before you could answer that I knew you would give me a disgusting look. So do you see what I see now?

I was so glad beyond any description when he finished his lesson. I was pretty shocked too. For I grew up in a household that is extremely particular about cleanliness, that lesson would surely make my mother die of heart attack instantly. No joke that’s because my mum has different ways of cleaning it. The toilet bowl and the bottom of the toilet seat would be cleaned with the brush and the seat top with a sponge.

After living with him for few weeks, he started to tease me about the way I keep things clean in his house. I suspected his girlfriend, who is also my good friend, must have told him about the history of my hygiene practices. But I never understood why he wanted to take the mickey out of me! I mean don’t you want or anyone wants their house to be cleaned? I was quite upset because I would like my house to be cleaned and shiny till you have to put on sunshades. Later I realized those teases were his pouting of my cleanliness practices. He was actually very unhappy … simply because I was always on my bacteria killing spree mode in the house when he needed them to strengthen his immune system. He then elaborated his theory – or rather the society’s which he has been brainwashed with – to me all afternoon just on why bacteria in the household is good for your health. I just smiled but I was always borrowing my mum’s ears about my excitement on discovering a new theory on bacteria behind his back. Not convinced with my mother’s consolation I also seek solace from my sister who works in the pharmaceutical line.

I still remembered vividly when he blame my cold and cough on my hygiene practices when the excessive consumption of Vanilla Coke was the major culprit. During this sick period, I started to think if his theory is true since I was frequently sick… I mean yea exposing to bacteria might be good to our health since they can build up on our immune system naturally. But hey is that really good since we always see how animated heroes murdering the bad germ guys in advertisements? Yes it is good but not good enough to use it as an excuse to keep your house dirty or like my toilet bowl illustration.

Here comes my explanation of “house dirty.” I noticed it is sort of a culture in my housemate’s society when comes to cleaning pots and pans. You just don’t wash your baking pans, cooking pans and whatever pans after using them. You just put them back to their original place. You don’t even need to wash them before using them. You just pour your mixture or oil onto your pans and then putting them back. And there goes the cycle until you realize you needed a new pan because they are so blacked till you can’t see your own reflection on the once shiny metallic pan if it’s metallic in the first place. My aunt one day stopped me from washing her frying pan and told me to put it back into the cupboard. I simply asked “Why? Why not?” like a frightened kid. She gave me a confused look as a reply and adding “This is what people here do.”

I replied her with a horrified look. You mean you guys don’t even mind consuming carbon – the black thingy on your unwashed pans – not pants for god sake – repeatedly – consciously in the name of leveling up your immune system? I asked my sister about this exotic theory and she simply equated it with ‘why don’t you try not taking shower for many days?’ My housemate also once stopped me from rinsing the frozen mixed vegetables because his dictionary stated the carbon ice could enhance the process of defrosting in the microwave and my sister said it’s bad for health.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against any bacteria-worshipping guild since I won’t be here if not for the bacteria. They are the ones who designed my immunity and they are everywhere, even in the very air I’m inhaling now. I’m not the only entity that has benefited from the bacteria existence. Babies or kids exposing to bacteria do them good too since there are studies showing the direct correlation of exposure in terms of age and the less likelihood of developing allergies or asthma. Overprotection of kids would only endanger their life to diseases as exposure to bacteria is part of their normal life.

If certain exposure level of bacteria is benefiting babies and kids, adults would no doubt receive similar benefits. But let me reiterate that it doesn’t give you the license to not practice hygiene and applying common sense about hygiene when you need to.

And so life goes on...