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Speak to My Finger
Books
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
pre-birthday
Monday. 9.17.12 9:24 am
My family just got intona fight. Mother was screaming at sister who was showing tantrums. And then pulled me into the fight just because I did not was her dinner bowl.

Mother was screaming that there is never a day she is not worried about sister and how she works dilligently to assist her in getting sales.

Right. I do not really care who my mother cares the most, because everyone in the family is so unhappy that we are together in this simply because we are pooling our financial resources to survive. We will surely leave each other once we are financially able.

I no longer have a family to begin with. I ceased talking to sister except those squabbling and father.

I feel like an orphan actually.

Like what I read recently. What if those people who commit suicide realised that this life is not worth fighting for? You can say it is worth, but I sometimes do not feel it. I feel stuck in this vicious cycle.

Maybe that is also like what my friend said, I have birth trauma. It means I did not want to reborn in the first place due to past live trauma. Do not know how true it is... Do I often feel like returning to somewhere?

Does feeling want to disappear count? Because I always want to disappear, but just have not found the right plave and time to do so.

I should not even write such morbid post on my birthday, but this is life unfortunately. I am seriously thinking of disappearing. There is no point of dwelling in such situation. I may choose to escape those situation is because all solutions are not practical to my family.

I may not want to born into this family because I may have already known the life of this writer.

Anyways, happy birthday to myself, kid.
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