Speak to My Finger

My mind went blank and I don't know what to write in my reflection. That is simply because my mind is busy occupied with someone.

My life in 2011 has undergone one hell of a time, both happy and unhappy, and I remember shedding an astronomical litres of tears.

My friend once said to me that I'm a strong person because my smiles smothers all my sorrow and sadness so well that no one knows where my true unhappiness lies. Unless I share. I think if we were to meet again now, I'm sure she would say I have mature so much since we last met at my farewell party in 2006. I bet she would say I have grown much stronger too. I am somewhat glad that we didn't get to meet up when I was in Tokyo recently. Because I don't want her to make me sound old! But the truth is I am now stronger in terms of personality wise and I am indeed older; I hope wiser. Her son is now 6 years old. I wonder what would he look like now. The son with the name of hope and strength.

I know what will her next question be. I may not have an answer if we were to meet up at the beginning of my international program in Tokyo, but now - after the program - I know I have a resolute answer. The blatant truth is I have derived that answer aeons ago. I have been keeping off that idea for a very long time indeed. I'm sure she would wish me all the best. Maybe this time she would proudly say her husband is not making her hair to split anymore!

My dream to visit Japan has been achieved despite of the short stay stint. In fact, I consider my participation as a bonus since I also get to visit 4 other countries, which I never dreamed of going. I remember asking God that I want my life to be more interesting, and I never expected it turned out to be having a working holiday for 53 days on a ship. I wonder what is the meaning of my vision I had when I was 15 where I saw a yacht on a sea with a whisper: New Zealand. Was it two future settings in one vision? The NZ came true ... and was Fuji Maru (the ship) meant to be the yacht?

I know I didn't do much crazy things, but I still didn't regret doing them. But I think I'm not aggressive enough to live by my motto: Never lead a regretful life. Yvonne, if you were still alive, what would you tell me? I am not proud to say that I'm still millions of kilometers away from my dreams.

I thank you God for letting me meeting two new friends that I know we will definitely have a very long relationship until the day we die. Thank you for listening to my prayers for wanting new close friends. My favourite moment of us is the crazy drink we had together in Yokohama. I really wish that we had more time to indulge our drink! And of course not forgetting my friend who introduced me to SSEAYP. (Yes I'm talking about you; you know who this is) Thank you for being there for me. =)

I didn't dream of snakes lately, which I'm terribly relieved. I still could not decipher its meaning. Whatever it meant, be it having new relationships or new beginning ...

I ended my 2011 unexpectedly sweet with someone in my mind.