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Speak to My Finger
Meowing WAR

Books I have completed reading since January 2018:

1. No Man's Nightingale - Ruth Rendell
2. One Day - David Nicholls
3. The Door - Margaret Atwood
Can we?
Thursday, December 29, 2011
I think it happened on 15 November. If not, it happened between 9 Nov and 15 November.

Malaysian team members were very kiasu (hokkien word for afraid to lose). We booked the Pacific Hall for our NDP practice, despite being 10 days away from our performance dance. Ethically, we should be letting other contingents to use the hall especially those who were gonna have their NDP sooner than us.

We practiced as usual, but it was below poor level. The sea waves were not rough at all. In fact, we had a smooth sailing journey to our next port of call. But it was very disappointing to see tonight's practice the poorest of all. It was not only poor but EXTREME poor. There was no excuse to put up a poor performance. Should I make comparison, the practice we had during our journey to the Philippines was very much better despite members vomiting while dancing and the rocky sea waves.

I was upset beyond words. I could sense everyone was not in the mood to dance, hence the terrible performance. I was very affected by the practice that I asked the Youth Leader for his evaluation, and he said the performance was fine. I cannot believe my ears, and I know I have to trust my judgment. My judgment: EXTREMELY EXTREMELY POOR. It was screaming in my head the whole night.

I waited stoically for the practice to be over to hear the comments from my cultural performance head, for I believe he would have tonnes of things to feedback. Surprisingly, he just concluded with his usual ending: good job and good night. I was utterly thrown into a state of shock. Why did he not say we had done poorly?! It just heightened my disappointment. I could even feel tears spilling over my tear duct, but being a cold-blooded person in nature, I contained my sadness featly.

Instead, I channeled my disappointment energy into encouraging my contingent to perform better. My encouragement went something like this:

What do you guys think of tonight's practice? I think it was bad. Are we gonna give this kind of performance on the night itself? We practiced our dances in those damn 4 days. We literally makan NDP, minum NDP, mimpi NDP (Malay way of saying that all we did is eat, sleep and live for that something) and we are going to throw it into the drain? We practiced damn hard just for that NDP! (With my fingers almost punching the ground) Our friends are waiting to see our performance, and are we going to disappoint them?

So can we give all out like there's no tomorrow? So can we dance like there's no tomorrow? CAN WE?!

The reply to my speech was an energetic YES. Although I contained my tears very well, my voice was partially broken while delivering those words. I don't know if they heard it, but I could not care much when the success of the NDP is at stake.

Spinoff: HAHA. I'm kinda embarrassed to think back of my speech. To be frank, I have totally forgotten about this event until one of my team members said CAN WE?! during a contingent gathering on board in December. Everyone laughed except me, because I didn't find any humour in it. I asked another member what is that CAN WE?! all about, and I cannot believe that I said it! In retrospect, this speech did elevate their spirit; I was glad this speech didn't fall on deaf ears.

The reason I blogged about this event is because I don't want to forget the history of CAN WE?!. This word has been stabbed deeply in the team members mind that they now often use it be it in conversations or discussions among ourselves. I just forgot to tell them it's my copyright!



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