Speak to My Finger

The most excruciating tragedy I could ever possibly imagine at the moment has finally bombed one of my life territories: the internet server for my office is now currently in the upgrading service for a week, presumably. To be frank, I am now very agitated, fidgeted, frustrated and whatever –ed you could think of when I heard there won’t be any internet access for a week. For a wacko researcher receiving that news, it was like receiving a death sentence. The metaphor I used to describe the feeling I’m having now might be too exaggerated but trust me you would feel the same thing as I do when your internet is dead. I didn’t feel much pain linger in me when I heard my grandmother passed away last week – stoically compared to the absence of internet now.

In fact, I was the first one to moan in the office over this sad news. The clock in my office is just telling me that 10 hours has just passed since the temporary demise of the internet. And I realized I am now pulling my hair and shaking my legs over this matter. Not only that, I have also realized that I have began to become a helpless fool in my chair just because I couldn’t go online to chat with my friends via MSN Messenger; update my blog; check my e-mails; update myself with the new released of manga scanlation; download anime or manga; reply threads in manga/anime forum and so on other than researching information for office work. In short, I was left with abundance of free time which I don’t know how to fill out in the office at the moment.

12 hours passed …

I started to retrospect my life when internet is strictly utilized for corresponding e-mails and obtaining information for homework. And I discovered that I too had a lot of free time and I would employ them to read books, watch documentaries, hang out with friends, chant, sleep, etc. I enjoyed those activities so much that I remembered burrowing my nose into books written by my favourite author, Lisa Jane Smith, into the wee hours of morning with the feeling of satisfaction. Alternatively, I would retire early to revitalize my youth. Panda eyes or rather known as dark eye rings do not even exist in my dictionary. Those were the days I have almost forgotten …

The arrival of the laptop on my study desk changed my life drastically. My eyes will start to glue to the small screen once I pressed the button for it to be alive until I don’t remember to sleep. So what do I do when I go online? I socialize with my fellow anime/manga friends, communicate with lecturers via email, chat with friends via MSN Messenger, watch anime, read manga, etc. With so much things to do online with so little time, I subconsciously abandoned those activities that I once loved. I started to become a recluse by hiding myself in my room other than attending classes. Friend’s invitations to parties were often declined or be gone in 5 minutes. Anime characters and personalities fought to convert my mind. Dark eye rings started to develop under my doe eyes and I became a seasonal insomniac.

So what exactly is happening to my life? I never really realized until now that my life has been controlled by the internet 99%. No internet means no life. But is that the case? If we really think about the whole world regarding about internet, you and I know what it means.

But the main question I need to reflect on is do I really want to place internet as the centre of my life? It is very common to hear people saying that ‘”yea I go online everyday without fail” but have we ever really denied that we are the internet humble slaves? Of course our ego won’t admit it. Who will? More radically is I have given in to the internet to be the core of my life?

14 hours passed …

The meeting room was roared with laughter, contributed by the Muhibbah (hmm… multiracial?) staff of my company. We were exchanging kuih-muih (Malay snacks), gossiping and filling in each other about health issues and what I like the most about our lunch persidangan (meeting in this sense) is we always discuss about the good places to eat…

Then a surprise blips in. The internet is back.

I smiled at the news at the meeting table and continued to engross in our nosy-parker gossips because it is something I should do to prove that I’m taking over my life even though I won’t be able to escape 100% from the grasp of the internet crawler. The most important thing is I realized I have missed out many things while solely romancing with my laptop during lunch break. If I rushed back to the screen upon hearing the news, I won’t know Uncle has gone to the UK during his military service; it’s unhygienic to eat Satay Kajang because the hawkers recycle them; there’s a kuih-muih stall behind my office; my Malay is much better than L. I’m just at the beginning to understand my workmates ….

I have won.