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Speak to My Finger
Books
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
full blown
Tuesday. 5.28.24 11:39 pm
wahhhh... i never thought i would have an argument with a friend who happens to be a clinical psychologist. i think i officially label them as having one screw loose in the head.

actually what happened last night was considered as minor, but it became full blown heated one sided argument, which i thought we could talk it out as civil as possible given that both of us are from the psychology area. boy, i was so wrong. it turned out to be extremely vicious name calling/labeling, until it could scare any vampire to go out in the night.

i just gave her a criticism as civil as i can about her communication skills, nothing more nothing less. the focus was her communication skills, but the way she looked at it was me attacking her purely for what she is, from her personality to her appearance. the moment she answered me back, in a way that i was the gaslighter, manipulator, i already knew this was a bad bad conversation which had no probable ending, and it's gonna be ugly. and all i could think was how to exit.

there is no point of continuing to give a constructive, diplomatic criticism to a person who allows me to do so, only to weaponise my points instead to fortify her dignity and ego. it was eerie to talk to an angelic looking full blown psycho.

unfortunately, any type of criticism is considered as a form of gaslighting and manipulation. she was not wrong as the critique was given to tell her how to protect me emotionally, which in a way, telling her to change her original self to suit me. however, i also agree that not all criticisms should be rejected. if one person felt a thorn, don't u want to wonder if others felt the same thing too?

in my conversation with her, i strictly focused the tiniest part of her communication skill that i believed everyone was affected by it, whether or not, they mention it is a whole different story. she can be seen as a strong character, and to her, last night was two strong characters logging heads. in my point of view, it was a one sided nuclear bomb site to see me off to heaven. she kept indicating she was listening to the criticism, but each time i responded with relevant info, she would manipulate and gaslight until i've to question my own thinking process. i knew she has been very open about her friendship/relationship issues, and i just said don't u want to know why those relationships went off so bad? wow. pure trigger. she then said i weaponised her trauma, i brought up her past to make my point. err... to where u r right now is an accumulation of what u did.

and i've already smelled trouble when we had dinner together, and the spiritual reading i gave her. if she were to recall my reading for her, i've also touched on her communication skills. and throughout the whole conversation, i never brought in this reading or her personality. i just focused on her directness that pure directness hurts. and this was the whole point she was fighting to protect - to be herself. she kept saying i overthink how this is an issue while trying to prove her point that her real friends never mention about this 'weakness' of hers.

to the point, she brought in ridiculous claims that i was jealous of her beauty. that i was jealous of her achievements. wah. that's so far fetched. that's actually crazy. i'm 10 years older than her. beauty, youth, and achievements, i've tasted them. why do i have to be jealous of? i'm just amaze that u don't have diabetes for drinking so many milktea in a day.

and the whole night, i never once uttered how our conversation was enlarging my thyroid to the point i cannot breathe well, while she was spewing how cruel i were in manipulating and gaslighting her.

wait. she can't even know that very well, that she had to use chatgpt to analyse our conversation. and stupid AI affirmed that i was gaslighting her. wah.... what the hell. i was fully aware of my own conversation that i didn't manipulate or gaslight her. i was hoping to talk as civil as possible.

i wanted to leave the battle mid-way, but she said i should end it since i brought it up. so i tried, and then another round of ammunition from her. wah. i just died again for no reason.

i have to ask my other friend to analyse the gist of our conversation, and luckily my friend was pretty chill, gave each of us a prayer. i never knew this girl can be so vicious. now i kinda see the other side of her, and it's not angelic as her name indicated.
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