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Speak to My Finger
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
what's ur problem?
Thursday. 3.30.23 2:47 am
i think i lost another friend officially.

thinking back of the conversation we had was really petty, and i'm not sure is it necessary for him to be emotional about it.

as asian and due to my personal upbringing, i'm extremely sensitive to words like 'i miss you' and other emotional words. on the whole, i'm alright because it means i've done something right in the friendship. but to hear it from a friend who already has a girlfriend, i seriously don't welcome it no matter how open the girlfriend is. i draw boundary extremely clear. i don't mind having a meal/coffee with you, but pls don't ever say those words to me.

so when he said that he missed my meowing, i replied 'time for u to get a cat bro.' then two banters, then he replied how cruel i were for not acknowledging his misses. like i said, i'm not used to hearing such words. how should i response in the first place to a guy who has a gf? so in the end i was frank with him that i acknowledged. i'm not sure if i acknowledged too late when he said he was worried about me for not being able to complete my masters on time as i have to have a lot of client contact hours. so when i replied about this is that he didn't need to worry about this because i've this somewhat under control. then

and then the next reply was 'go away... meow....' x2.

and then a few days later, i messaged him asking how he is... he replied in a manner where i felt not welcome to message 'what do u want.' he did entertain a little. and then when i asked how he is.. there's no reply ...

so two days ago i messaged him asking if he's still feeling hurt/raw from my reply, there was no reply until today.

so ok.. i reflected on this since our first reply, and i seriously not sure what went wrong. my reply? his attitude? i seriously got no idea, and i'm tired to think about it because i've been sick for the past 2 months. on almost daily basis, i develop arthritis on different part of the body, and others. i'm in pain all the time and i still have to cope with my studies and client interviews and ensuring i'm not provoking the crazy tigress at home.

i'm super tired. not mentioning, i dislocated my left shoulder, and could not use it for 6 weeks.

and now i've to spend energy in nursing this friend's emotions? he knows very well what i'm going through. but i seriously don't care if he takes this into account.

all i really want to ask him is 'what's ur problem?'

last month, i asked him for his thoughts on our medical dr's professionalism, and he kept barking at me 'what's your problem?' without acknowledging my emotions, and the issue. and gave me unsolicited feedback that i want him to meet my benchmark that i cannot accept his eccentricity. i took that feedback with buckets of salt.

the conclusion of my reflection is that he compared our patient-dr relationship with this eccentric dr. to be honest, ours cannot be compared at all. i visit this dr on monthly basis where he only visited the dr only thrice, and then complaint he is not good at all because that one jab he got cannot cure his eye problem. the dr and i never promised that he would be healed with one jab. my regular visits to this dr became his 'evidence' that the medication i'm getting is not good at all.

about benchmark, it's true that i want this dr to hit some benchmark, because it's customer service. i don't care about the eccentricity if he could attend to my symptoms, but i'm talking here about customer service benchmark. don't ask me to accept him overall because i'm not his friend. all i asked is that this dr don't harass me 20 calls when i didn't make payment on time as promised. at that time, i had severe arthritis on my right hand, only operating with three fingers, and one of them is not a thumb. and my left hand not mobile. and i had to attend to a client during the promised time, and i told him i would be late in making the payment. he didn't need to say 'U PROMISED ME" in the msg over and over again. this was the first time i could not make payment on the spot. it seems he also harassed my other friend like this too, resulting my friend hating to see him again.

oh, mind you that one jab of this dr's medication had helped him walk without experiencing pain anymore in a day.

and yet he kept commenting on my regular visits to support his claim that this dr is not good. and yet i didn't slap him back with any comments. all of us are free to comment what we feel about the medication.

and yet, you want to be sensitive with me for not saying back 'i miss you too'?

what's your problem?

anyways, because i don't want to spend so much energy on him anymore, i just deleted his number.



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