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Speak to My Finger
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
Maybe that idiot is right
Wednesday. 7.27.22 1:47 pm
Maybe that idiot is right... all along that my place in class is to be a little quiet dandy wallflower. to speak aloud among the class favourite is a taboo.

you see, this class favourite offended me in a group chat for just voicing out my displeasure of the university's unprofessionalism of changing assignments at the second week of the start of the semester. if you change, should not the deadline be extended too? i was told by her to shut all these displeasure because it's unholy for the others like her to read, and to even know that it's basic professionalism of the lecturer to read the assignment questions before entering class.

so i shut up in the group chat to bring harmony to the group.

my emotion actually flare up. harmony, my ass, at the expense of myself.

i had the chance to smite this favourite thing in class for her severe judgmental comments on a fellow course mate. to be honest, i did what a lecturer should do. i should be paid for that comment, because it was beneficial for her learning. i deserve that payment.

anyways, back to the foreshadow.

this lecturer also offended me. and tonight offended me again. i was just responding to ur comments, and because u read it late and had a memory that worse than a goldfish (what an insult to a such beautiful edible creature) that u commented 'i don't understand what these comments about'. i was deeply hurt.

i'm not responsible for ur slowness.

and what i hated the most was how u shone when ur fav idiot elaborated on the underlying details not found in my magnifying glass on a case study. when i questioned, u quickly said 'it was just an assumption that she had spoken to this client, and she was reporting.' my ass. if assumption, pls make it clear. u do not add spring onions to garnish the whole dish after being reminded that ass-umption is a no-no in a client interview after i BROUGHT IT UP.

this was the second time you doctored evidence in order to help that idiot. because the first time this happened, it was yours truly executing ur job. u said instead 'u did wonderful' when the client expressed disappointment on the face as twisted as the wrangled clothed in the washing machine. she didn't give oxygen, she robbed it instead.

it was not a catharsis. it killed the hope of a father for his children.

the galaxy is never the limit how many stars can reside, but the number of ur words were enough to suck the brightness of his hopes lie in those stars.

i asked myself again, and again, why i am feeling this yucky feeling over u whenever u were picked to be heard. was i jealous? because i was not picked by the lecturer like how u were picked? because this time i was not the shining star in class? i don't know. i'm still figuring it out, but i'm acknowledging how i'm feeling right now especially seeing u literally ass-uming a case study with great storytelling details! i didn't know u were a creative writer, but sorry babe, i like to get my facts right. our line of work cannot embrace assumptions because they are potential killers.

like the whispers in the wind, i'm always asking myself why i can't just shut up in class. why do i always have to share something when i already know over and over again that i'd not be appreciated? why can't i just do what that idiot tell me to? why can't i be a seed that never grow?

oh well, u can't tell nature to stop growing unless u kill everything living on earth. u can't stop the seeds growing in the ground after a rainfall. u can't stop climate from changing no matter how much u wanna patch things now.

u can't stop energy from moving unless it wants too...

and to be frank, i don't feel like stopping from saying my own opinions.



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