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Speak to My Finger
Meowing WAR





Books
Books I have completed reading since January 2018:

1. No Man's Nightingale - Ruth Rendell
2. One Day - David Nicholls
3. The Door - Margaret Atwood
Year end
Thursday. 12.19.19 2:10 am
I am feeling quite morbid when I think of the numbers in my age. I now really can feel how other people feel when they say they are getting older or how we believe Madonna was trying to defy her ageing by preserving her look.

I am really feeling that now. I feel like I am fighting against ageing but no point when my bank account is always the same: too little zeroes.

Some of my friends are already on the road to financial freedom and yet I am here undergoing instead financial struggle. It's like it's my middle name now. I don't remember a time where I don't have to worry about life.

Many things happened between the last blog entry and today. I don't know how long my heart can sustain all those pain. I have been holding myself ever since I was a child recording all those pain. It seems to never end. The pain may outlive me.

That's why it's so important for people to be kind to others because we don't know what the other person is going through like me. I am such a merry person and people usually comment that they have fun with me. I am making everyone happy but deep inside me I have all this pain quelling while I try to push it down so it won't overflow. Perhaps, life experience has also helped me to manage it but I no longer want to hope that I can manage it well. I want to heal this pain and I am at lost. I have to be kind to myself first. I have to forgive myself for not living a life that does not please others. Trailblazer. We all need that. To do what we want that only pleases us. That realisation brings such a profound awakening pain. The life that I am currently have is shaped by me but not my heart. I first need to breathe to feel the air... wind in my soul.


Those pain has been walked over by me countless of time without pausing to acknowledge it. I need to heal and I can.
1 Comments.


Woh you still blogging
Woh you are still blogging, been a while since I drop by here.

Seems like you started Ur working life and having a hard time eh, same goes with everyone. :)
» Adriel D.K (162.158.166.20) on 2020-01-13 03:01:01

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