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Speak to My Finger
Meowing WAR





Books
Books I have completed reading since January 2018:

1. No Man's Nightingale - Ruth Rendell
2. One Day - David Nicholls
3. The Door - Margaret Atwood
So what is it?
Wednesday. 7.10.19 1:42 pm
I realised I am pretty tired. I think all I want for now is to go somewhere just to sleep.

Ok. I am escaping from another thing that is really bothering me: My mother does not like to hear her own mistakes. I somehow feel very pitiful for her. Whatever monster that my sister has become is actually also part of my mother's doing, and she didn't want to hear anything about it when I was telling her the bit that got my sister threaded on this path to becoming evil. Yea... I have never seen anyone so religious in real life that can be so evil and cruel which I used them loosely for being upright selfish.

And you know what is the story that is playing in my head right now? I was the daughter that my mother never liked. And of course my mother won't admit it and now she won't dare to think this since I am now the one that's helping her around in the house. And all she could do now is to complain every thing about my sister.

My sister has become a horrid person. I am serious. It's not I like to talk about my family's dirty laundry but if it is not would I even say it? If the person is real good, we would all just be praising unless we are jealous or something like that right?

I have been told all my life by these family members that I am selfish and bla bla bla. But right now that has reversed to my sister. A psychic has told me that my sister has moved on from this family. I can see that. I can see that my sister might have pinned our mother for destroying her love life or whatever reasons known to her. I have seen how she looked at our mother. The utter dislike in her eyes....

And now really like mother and daughter... they both like playing victims. And me here trying to summon all the energy that I have to do the things I want with my precious life.

But still I cannot rid of the feelings that all I want now is just to sleep... find a nice place to sleep and just sleep for days without seeing any of this shithole people. So what is stopping me? The place that I really want to sleep in is my own room called home. Not hotel but my own room in my own home.

I just want to be at home with only myself... That is the hardest thing to do.
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