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Speak to My Finger
Meowing WAR

Books I have completed reading since January 2018:

1. No Man's Nightingale - Ruth Rendell
2. One Day - David Nicholls
3. The Door - Margaret Atwood
Thursday. 6.6.19 5:38 am
No wonder sometimes people say money can solve all problems. For now, my problem can be so solved by money. I just need to have the amount of money I need to buy a house and have the house in my name.

What my mother said is true just now. In the midst of our own pain, her daughters forgot her pain. We are just too into our own pain inflicted by her. Perhaps in such moment, she is also communicating her own pain like how I am always screaming at her. And we didn't acknowledge because we are selfish.

Despite all that, I think my sister is the cruelest of all. My parents doted on her the most and yet she turns out to be more evil than me. Perhaps that support the research saying that people/kids who are atheist are much more kinder than religious people. My sister prays a lot daily to the point like she is possessed - I am referring to her voice when she prays. Why pray so much when become so evil?

There was no compassion at all from her. Even if she has come to hate the family at least can have the kindness to replace the food that she finished? She has not been doing that for the past 2 years. Nothing whatsoever. She only pays 1% of the household bill and she will be violent when that bill just increases a little by few dollars when me and my mom pay the rest of the 99% of the bill.

My mother was so hurt that she does not call her 'mother' anymore. This is even shocking to me. I could see she treats everyone in the house as invisible and she does not interact with us all. She will talk extremely sweet on the phone to everyone on the phone except to her mother and me. Yea, and that helps her to project such a kind and sweet person to others. People don't believe what we say to others.

The devil in disguise. So on spot.

I have screamed at her for being fake and she replied with a painful victimised look. Why the act? Funny people.

I am highly aware of my age where people reap their hard work but I am at the opposite where I am just finally telling myself that I have finished recuperating and finally starting my engine and now all this shit happens.

I can feel my desperation is kicking in. I shall pray more for God to take over for I am not in the right frame of mind to decide anything.



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