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Speak to My Finger
Meowing WAR

Books I have completed reading since January 2018:

1. No Man's Nightingale - Ruth Rendell
2. One Day - David Nicholls
3. The Door - Margaret Atwood
Brr... confusing focus
Wednesday. 9.27.17 12:08 am
I had a great birthday blast. I was well-fed the whole week which I really like it.

The last streak of my birthday dinner was with a friend who had said the darnedest thing to me that is 'don't go for auditions because you won't be chosen'. I will always remember that sentence. But anyways I still have meal with him.

We had a conversation that I would label it as 'buffet words' except it's a one-sided eat. My friend just bull-talk his way and I really find it not inspiring nor intellectual. In other words, he just talked because he can. This is not even the first time!

Here is the backbone. I definitely added some sentences to make it readable for you all. We talked in between Chinese and English.

You don't seem to have focus in life. You have been doing everything here and there in bits and pieces. So what are you good at?

(I am in deep thought that is 'not this topic again) Don't know?

What about your tarot reading skills? How good are you?

I think I am good as good as my teacher. I dare say I can give practical reading and good customer service.

Woah. I like your confidence but that overconfidence of yours is quite arrogant.

I agree on that but what makes you think I didn't learn other skills too?

Yea... but you definitely can't beat your teacher in terms of experience and the hours attending to clients.

I agree but when comes to customer service I dare say I am even better than some of the world-renowned. At the end of the day, I can give readings that people can take home. That's more important. And recently I had a skills scan with a famous psychic from XX and XX also commented that I am good in channeling things that are on the other side of my country.

Oh ... but I don't know how to quantify good in tarot reading then.

That's not my fucking business if you don't know how to quantify or don't even know the current customer service of the business.

This post is definitely not bragging my skills but it's about writing my brain out because I was so disturbed by this conversation for 4 days.

I am very well aware that I don't have a focus in life. Whenever I asked myself what my focus is and the answer is living a happy life... living a life that I am true to. Yes, it's a waste of time of just 'doing nothing' to a certain extent that I feel like I am wasting my time but doing everything and anything can also be a waste of time and energy. I will write that in the next post because I have another conversation on this topic just now.

So... I am disturbed by my friend because it made me question my own skills. Not only that it's more about feeling my own self when I am in that fucking hot seat. Why was I feeling insecure? Am I really that poor? No, I don't think so. My insecurity has driven me to spend thousands in learning skills that are related to spiritual development. I have also joined community that gives free reading so I can hone my skills. I have picked up things that my coursemates don't in classes. My experience has shown me that I am capable as others.

And.. sometimes I wonder why do people say such stupid things? What's the objective anyways?

As usual, I take this as a sign that I need to start kicking my ass to further improve my skills.

And also don't ever talk to this person again because it's not inspiring. It doesn't spur people to take action out of "yes I should do something before I die"... it's more to "fuck, I am doing this because I am scared."

We should never do things out of fear because we are then just letting fear to control us.




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