Speak to My Finger

Or rather weird people.

I have two friends who advised me, strongly, not to waste time on attending auditions. We will always not be chosen, that was the rationale. At the end of 2016, I felt the same way too. I really got burnt out. I attended many. Made a fool of myself and do crazy things with a thick skin. And I felt some of casting director was not even serious of picking the talents as though the clients already have someone in mind. Those casting directors were just casting for the sake of casting. But I kept going.

Also because agents have requested me to attend some, thus I go to give face. Who knows I was shortlisted? I have been short-listed but once they found my employer, they didn't know consider me due to conflict of interest. I moved on.

Only beginning of this year that my faith in attending casting was restored. I attended a funny casting and I was shortlisted. Though I was extremely disappointed to find out that I was not found in any scene in the advertisement but I was grateful that I was shortlisted. If I didn't attend, would I be even shortlisted? That's what I thought. If I didn't attend a casting in February, would I even be asked to act as an aunt in a documentary? It was because I attended the casting that the directors know of my existence.

I was very ... sad... when my friends discouraged me not to attend the castings. The first thing I asked was have you ever been the main or featured talent before. Yes was their reply. No wonder! I never had the chance, yet. Of course I will keep going until I get what I aim. Don't we?

I was given a small role in an advertisement. I was neither main or featured but there is a high possibility that I could be seen in the ad. Not bad right? That's because I attended the casting on the last day even though I was very exhausted.

Many of my friends said I should get priorities right. I agree. I told one of the 2 friends that I can't follow him to the temple for blessing because I have shooting on the date we were supposed to go. He immediately responded that I should get my priorities right. Right. It's a somewhat featured job and I should decline just to follow you? Hello. That could be an opportunity for me to get more jobs. Sacrifice just for you? I don't like the words he said to me. It's like you tell your mother that she is so ugly and she does not deserve to have a better husband.

Another friend of mine said they could be jealous of me. I am younger and prettier than them. Hence I have more chances than them. I don't really care about that. Nobody can take away your opportunities. It's given and it's up to use to accept it. Things happen for us at the right time and right place.

I still have not figured out if I keep wanting to try out acting. The money is not that great for small flies unless I get featured or main roles than the pay will be in thousands. Most of the time the pay is less than USD25 for 12 hours of standby. Seriously. We have no union and sometimes I wonder why the hell we are working as extras. My tarot reading service fetches me USD25 for one hour online.

Oh well, I am grateful for the experience. All I am currently doing is to let go of the need to control my destiny. I will do what I am given.

Good luck renaye.