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Speak to My Finger
Meowing WAR

Books I have completed reading since January 2018:

1. No Man's Nightingale - Ruth Rendell
2. One Day - David Nicholls
3. The Door - Margaret Atwood
Sales talk
Tuesday. 6.20.17 10:46 pm
Just now I got sales or rather prep talk by a friend who is much younger than me. I got no problem with that, but seriously don't ever use sentimental reasons to make me join the team.

I have been in the sales line for already 11 years. Yea, the next sentence, perhaps, you think I will say "know all your tactics" but what I am going to say is we really need wisdom in this life. Seriously. I was informed about the returns and benefits of joining. I am not blind by the returns but then I don't have the capital and I don't want to even think about the capital-building part because I am highly stress.

Yes, stress. I am so burnt out since 2015 that I didn't have a chance to destress. Because of that, I feel that I am not being myself. I didn't think think properly before talking hence I am talking crap. Acting crap. Brain is crap with exhaustion. And yet I pile more work onto myself in the hope I could find a new road to earn more money. And then you know what? I further burnt out.

I think that's why my higher self told me to meditate. To meditate in a meditation, to be exact. Because I am lacking of so much rest. Opening a new path is correct but why? Have I asked myself truly why? Why did I do that? Is it a new hobby? I didn't truly ask myself. I just jumped into them.

Jumping without a plan is a waste of time not only failure. Hence the quote from Benjamin Franklin, “If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail!”. Yup, do you jump without a parachute? I mean some people do but not everyone.

And I am so stress here that I don't have time to reflect on what I want. Lost/Stuck could be the right word to describe my current situation. But yesterday a motivator said try using 'IN TRANSITION" instead and hell ya. I don't see any improvement yet and yet transition so what? I still need to think what I want next!

So ya.. all I want is time to rest my soul. And here I have a friend giving me prep talk in believing in myself for able to get rich by joining his team. Why do you persuade me so hard if you are already getting money from it? You should be like "You don't want? Ok, next!" That's the attitude!

Sometimes it's not that I don't want to join. It's about priorities.

And yes I have abilities in excelling in everything but hey I need time to connect to myself to excel!

I'm just so fucking tired! Why can't people understand that simple statement. I even told this friend I am very tired. All I need is time to think. And I'm extremely deprived because life in urban is like that. You either worried about money or time.




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