Speak to My Finger

Sai tei means the worst in Japanese.

So many things are running in my friend's problem. Sai tei is the best word to describe her situation but I don't know where to put this label to.

My friend is an academician who married our mutual friend who is of her nationality. They dated for one year and got married after that. Both couple are academician actually and they are such a good looking couple. They have two kids now with the youngest being one year old.

The problem is she has postponed her postgraduate studies for the family. And now she has three weeks to fly to Australia for her postgraduate studies after so many years of postponing. And now her husband is threatening her to divorce her if she were to study in Australia after so much of giving her lip service that he supports her academic rigour and endeavour. She was so heartbroken. The reason of her studying is to provide a better future for her family. Having a PhD for an academician is very much the only way for a lecturer to have promotion and to earn more money. She has explained this to her husband but he turned against her and now they are having a cold war started by him. His parents have required him to talk to the wife but he is not budging.

How heartbroken a wife can be when her husband is not supporting her. While she was sharing us her situation in the Whatsapp group, she informed us she received an email. It was a divorce application.

I was so right when she validated that he has an astronomical ego where everyone at home has to listen to him. I feel her so much because I grew up in such family too until my mother stood against my father and told him to fuck off for showing his 'man-li-hood.' My ass, really.

She is a strong person but a strong person also can break, and he/she breaks even more. I only fear for the kids. Will the husband hide the kids like I heard from my friend's experience? I have mentioned that how many times can she sacrifice her dreams, needs and wants for him? Will this be a healthy relationship, and even safe?

It is easy for me to say that I will proceed with the divorce application despite having kids since my husband threatens me. But really like for her situation? What's the underlying underlying reason for him to disapprove her decision? Ego? That does not allow her to have higher qualification than him? She has said she is bringing along the family with her to Australia. Many of my friends even do that.

So what and where is the problem? So many things I don't know deeply. What she has told us perhaps is just the surface.

But really, what would I do if I were her in her shoes? I think I will just divorce. There's no future in a relationship when either one is consumed with ego especially where everyone has to 'follow my order'. This is not a safe and healthy relationship. That is what I saw in the man I dated many years ago. At the beginning of a relationship, people will be so loving... even the guy and girl will accommodate each other, but for how long? After third date period, he threw the phone across the hotel room when I accidentally said in a higher tone that I will be late for the airport. And also one episode he said to me "I am the man, the leader, so let me lead". Err... we were just walking, bro. Why such heavy sentences? I am glad I dumped him. Haha. Oh well, that's because I am an alpha female.

But then... for my friend... dosuru? (In Japanese is what are you gonna do?) I cannot comprehend the pain she is in now.