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Speak to My Finger
Meowing WAR

Books I have completed reading since January 2016:

1. The magician's land - Lev Grossman
2. The Rest Falls Away - Colleen Gleason
3. Wither - Lauren Destefano
4. Fever - Lauren Destefano
5. Sever - Lauren Destefano
6. High Stakes - Dick Francis
7. Kau kata dadaku adalah sebuah sajak - Finn Anuar
i should think
Thursday. 12.22.16 10:16 am
or i should not think.

i am tired or rather extremely frustrated. i was just talking to another friend about how unhappy i were about the friend in my previous post. he seconded that i should be learning simpler songs as the baby step to strengthen my basic in singing. therefore stop singing those hard songs until i master those simple songs. he even gave me examples to justify his reasons.

when i heard that, i flustered in a second. i also justified why i chose to practise difficult songs as part of my learning. it's simply because i attended vocal lessons before and my teacher chose such songs for me to learn. i remember it took me a long time to be able to sing them well amidst the period i have difficulty in accepting my own voice. i have come to the point where i was able to sing well (not like a pro alright) for a beginner. i practice a lot. and i stopped for 6 yrs.

then he said i should not listen to the teachers because they limit my skills and... they only want the money and not really prioritising my welfare. i was so mad, again. what is wrong with singing damn difficult songs for a beginner?!

as i was drafting this post in my head, i recalled the choir teacher in new zealand taught us singing with foreign folk songs. that was where i developed interest in choir singing. that period was my most enjoyable singing sessions. nothing can replicate them. ok. i have to admit the choir teacher did teach us songs that are simple to sing. it took him 3 months to make us sound presentable for event! and you know what? yes the folk songs were simple. but it was still complex and harder than singing those difficult songs. we were separated into 4 groups without knowing who is in alto, soprano, bass and tenor. he just said 'ok you go here.. there' and then sing! when we were separated, we had to memorise a given tune and memorise it and then sing!! while trying hard not to be distracted by other group's tune!! yup, that is choir! like Pentatonix. each member becomes an instrument and then combine into a melody. that was hard! but i love it. it was so challenging. we think singing those high pitch is difficult. actually the most difficult part is to maintain your part in one single tune throughout the whole song. were the folk songs difficult? not really. they were enjoyable to sing. i even sing one of them now. ok. i have learnt those folk songs. and now what? did i sing them according to tune? can't verify because many of them are not found on youtube. and these folk songs can be sung in lower or higher octave. there is no wrong or right. do you sing your folk songs exactly by its tune? you just sing it as what you remember and assume that you were singing at the right pitch. unless you go back to history and youtube the creator. that's why it's called creativity.

so i go sing twinkle twinkle little star? ok. i went youtube and search for those rhymes. those kids sang in such high note! and it's just about some stars! ok ok renaye stick to the pitching... but hey! it's some damn high note! and all i wanted is to practice hearing! i think i scored better with those vocal warm up exercises on youtube. to be frank my hearing is not that really bad.... it's just about confidence. it's just about scoring well.

so why was i so work up again tonight? why did i let others to tell me how i should improve my skills? i should be listening and filtering what works for me. i should know my own learning skills. i am an old adult now. i should know what my learning skill is by now. people can tell me whatever they think is right but only I will know what works.

yes, teachers may just want my money and not teach well. then why do we go to university? especially in this age we can learn anything from the internet, why then we still go to university? moreover we pay a hefty sum for just a piece of paper at the end of the education? why?

my friend mentioned that top hollywood actors went to the most prestigious acting school like juiliard to hone their acting skills. why do they then go to acting schools? why not learn on their own? those teachers should be of no quality because if they are good they should be on screen... not resorting to teaching isn't it? so why do they go to those famous acting school? WHY?

so why can't i learn singing from a teacher? yes, i can learn on my own but i still need an expert to tell me how i can further improve. to sing on my own has the danger of singing within my own comfort zone. "oh i can't sing this high so i will sing a note lower. ' if so how do i improve?

then.. why do those famous japanese singers have vocal classes? ayumi hamasaki, the top japanese singer, was sent to new york to learn singing. why then? why do those singing contests like the voice have judges mentoring those short-listed. why? these participants are good, why then further coach them? why not let them learn on their own? why then? if you watch these reality shows, you will hear the mentor's comments on their mentees like why he/she chose a particular song for their mentees to sing.

i know they meant well. were they encouraging? no, i feel they are limiting myself instead.

the same thing. my teachers can say anything they like but it will be up to me making decisions.

these teachers have been there done that. i am paying for them to pass down to me their knowledge inclusive the parts they have gone wrong and right to be where they are now. they have the experience.

yes, there are people who don't need external help but i am not one of them. i know i m the type who learn faster if someone teaches me.

for this friend whom i talked to tonight... you were the one who told me don't listen to others that will be including yourself because what you have been telling me is very contradicting.

i am feeling better writing this long. till then.



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