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Speak to My Finger
Meowing WAR

Books I have completed reading since January 2016:

1. The magician's land - Lev Grossman
2. The Rest Falls Away - Colleen Gleason
3. Wither - Lauren Destefano
4. Fever - Lauren Destefano
5. Sever - Lauren Destefano
6. High Stakes - Dick Francis
7. Kau kata dadaku adalah sebuah sajak - Finn Anuar
Monday. 12.19.16 8:22 am
I had two karaoke sessions on two consecutive days. One is on my own and the other with a friend. This is a friend I have mentioned before - the one whom I got brainwashed from that commented those movies I won free tickets are not worth watching but turned out they are fine. Anyways, another friend commented that people don't appreciate free things. So why bother?

Ok back to the main topic.

I was complaining to him that I didn't have space and privacy to practice singing on Saturday. Being an impatient person overall, I hate sitting doing nothing while my brain is spinning at light speed on what I need and can do to work towards closer to the things I wanna achieve for the week. So on the spot, I went karaoke on my own at a nearby outlet. The price was affordable especially during lunch hours. I dragged myself despite under the weather. I practice on my own for 3 hours. Well, I paid per head for 3 hours - that's their package by the way. I did a lot of vocal exercises too which were suggested by a vocal teacher and some from youtube. I know I still have mistakes but being alone and listening to my own voice.. I at least have space to learn more about myself. I was satisfied with my practice for the day. I mean... it's definitely better than nothing.

The next day this friend asked me along for karaoke. I know he was being nice to take me to practice by driving me to the same outlet. So I just said yes to go again on Sunday without telling him I was already there on Saturday.

When we met, I told him that I needed to practice singing because I was called to prepare a second song piece. The first piece I presented was Memory from Cats. And he replied 'it's your lucky song' or along the line 'lucky.'

The more I think about it today the more I feel it's not about luck. Don't know why I am so work up. It's about recognition for the courage and effort I have invested. It's about taking action. It's about making the right decision under pressure. It's about ME. Luck comes along when I invest my energy and take action. Thinking more, I don't like to be told 'you are lucky to be chosen.' Try thinking of the things that you have achieved. Do the things that you want just fall onto your lap? Well, if the person gets into accident, do you say the person is lucky to be in accident? It's calamity! Aiyo! I remember lamenting to my vocal teacher that Kelly Clarkson sings so well and I am nowhere... and she replied that Kelly works hard too to be the winner. What I am seeing is just the exterior. I don't know how much she has invested in herself. I think I have remember my entrepreneur friends never said they got lucky when they get investors and such. It's all about effort and action.

I didn't sing Memory very well. I have not sang for like 6 years. And I was damn nervous to be just asked to sing a song on the spot. But I just did because I got nothing to lose. Jamie Foxx once asked "What's on the other side of fear?".

He and I sang a couple of songs with me singing Let it go the most repeatedly. HAHA. He first commented which I summarised that I need to fix my tone deaf and pitch. I can pick up the notes well but I have issues of not liking my own voice. This is something I have to work on my throat chakra. It took me years to shed the belief that I cannot sing that my voice sucks: These are not my beliefs but I wore as my own. He told me to record to listen to my own singing if I really wanna improve. He added that I should sing children rhymes instead to practice on my pitch because I have a tendency not to sing at the right high pitch. Oh well, that's because I don't like to hear my high pitch voice especially the transition from low to high pitch. Insofar, I sing high pitch songs like by Kelly Clarkson which I have no problem in hitting those notes. I actually wanted to tell him to mind his own business but with a pinch of salt I listened to the suggestions. And so he played children songs for me to sing in the karaoke room. I know it was extremely funny but it was embarrassing for me but still I persisted because I really want to improve. There must be a reason why the Universe sent him there right? I actually did also explained to him that most songs I sang were suggested by my teachers in order to improve. I usually don't have ideas what to sing. Funny right? It's because I don't sing for leisure. I always get the teachers to choose songs that enable me to improve. Competitiveness inside me doesn't allow me to put aside chosen songs that I dislike. I would just suck it up. Otherwise how would I improve?

Oh. He can sing well. That's why he commented on me. That's why I didn't fight back. Because he was sharing indirectly how he learnt on his own. I am the type I prefer having a coach alongside because I learn faster when someone tells me the mistakes. That's also because I don't have the time utmost space to rectify my mistakes. Besides, that explains why people get mentor right? It's a shortcut in a way.

Well, since yesterday, I would karaoke on my own again. Yes, I used to record my own singing to see where went wrong but not anymore when I have a neighbour who stays at home all the time. I don't want to disturb the family.

Whatever it is, wish me luck! Haha, what paradox!



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