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Speak to My Finger
Meowing WAR

Books I have completed reading since January 2018:

1. No Man's Nightingale - Ruth Rendell
2. One Day - David Nicholls
3. The Door - Margaret Atwood
Regrets intermingling
Monday. 9.28.15 8:43 am
Lots of things happened in September.

I made a huge drama in my supervisor's room in order to get intermission from studies. I suddenly lost the interest in writing my thesis when I was once so fired up to do a research. Perhaps, the condition of my country makes me question how much can my research contribute to the country's well-being. The reply is nothing. The thesis is just to make myself happy, not anyone nor satisfy my salary scale. My supervisor winced when I said the course that I am taking does not and will not increase my salary at all. Don't believe? Try asking a Masters graduate when looking for a job. Even my senior who had the best thesis is out of job. Welcome to reality.

And then I should have bought ticket to attend my friend's wedding in Bangkok, but I didn't. Because I wanted to keep true to my words that I will not attend any weddings this year. I have several weddings to attend for 2015: Vietnam, Pakistan, Kuala Lumpur, Bangkok, Vietnam/Tokyo, Sarawak. If only I could all, however, my pocket doesn't allow at all. I was so stressed in July that I almost borrow money from the bank to go for holiday, but at what cost? Even if I wanted to buy ticket to Bangkok, I seriously don't have the funds. It truly sucks. I feel more excruciating hurt when I saw my friend's wedding photos on FB. It's not about attending the wedding. It's about the other friends who attended the wedding. Every wedding of mine is a mini reunion for me and my friends which whom I may not even have the chance to see them again... And this seems to be the biggest mini reunion... ever! I miss everyone. And the groom and the bride are my good friends. Oh my god. What a regret I am experiencing now.

I am still stress and I wanna go somewhere for a break, but I really have no funds. No sugar daddy to boot. I tried asking for donations in my birthday wish list. Only a friend donated as a joke.

Oh well, then I shall just sleep.



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