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Speak to My Finger
*MeOws..... oF YeSterDaY*
Meowing WAR





Books
Books I have completed reading since January 2016:

1. The magician's land - Lev Grossman
2. The Rest Falls Away - Colleen Gleason
3. Wither - Lauren Destefano
4. Fever - Lauren Destefano
5. Sever - Lauren Destefano
6. High Stakes - Dick Francis
7. Kau kata dadaku adalah sebuah sajak - Finn Anuar
Discovery
Wednesday. 12.7.16 6:22 pm
If you remember me lamenting about my high school friend who called me loser or serves me right for rotting for being a failure, I found out something interesting behind her offer.

She asked me to join her in doing her MLM business. The membership she mentioned is USD600 so I can be an agent and start selling. The product no doubt is effective for me but I refused to join because the membership is just simply too expensive! Well she even said I can use my credit card to pay off that amount and I will be motivated to clear it off later. I think that sounds wrong. I know myself. Such thing don't motivate me instead.

Anyways, I thought of buying back the product for myself and mum. After googling, I found the number to the HQ. I called up and found out the basic membership price was just USD75 and it comes with a box of the product. Oh. That's so much affordable than the amount she mentioned. The operator was in disbelief when I asking her if she was giving me the right figure. How can I not when the figure I was given originally was way astronomical?

I think I will join after I find out more about the membership prices. The operator did say they have several packages.

No wonder my friend won the Best Leadership for Asia. If this is how she does business, no wonder la.

And seriously this is her loss if I really join.





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Believe
Saturday. 12.3.16 10:09 am
I learnt a hard lesson again this year that is never to listen to others.

My friends kept telling me Chinese movies in the cinema suck big time. And so I have been canceling my free movie tickets on this basis.

And then later the same friends have been telling how some movies (which I actually won free movie tickets) are good.

Damn you.

These friends kept saying I keep winning horror films tickets that are not even popular. Right. It's free tickets. What the heck do you want? I have entered contests for those popular movies but I didn't win. I am actually pretty happy whenever I win movie tickets. If I don't want to watch those movies, I just give away those tickets. Even so... my friends criticize my winning.

Man. Talk so much.. try winning.

Not only that, these friends also love to add unnecessary wordings whenever I ask them if they want to watch with me. For example "Omg!!! It's so far! It's so late!"

Sorry folks. I don't have the patience to try to persuade you. All I want is a YES or NO. I have no more patience of listening to such replies. That's why I no longer call these friends to enjoy the movie with me.

Thank god. I have new friends that I can share the tickets with.

And another.. I am not sure if I shared here.

I have thought of taking back my vocal classes but I was also torn between drawing class. So a friend discouraged me to take vocal classes because I cannot generate money with singing. Because I was torn and also because not enough of savings yet, I didn't take either. Because I want to take up both! Because I like both and I prefer singing over drawing!

And today I went into an audition without knowing it was for a musical theater. I was asked to prepare a musical piece. Damn. Thank god I have learnt singing before? I was able to come up with a musical song amidst the rusty singing voice.

Just because it didn't work for you does not mean it won't work for others too. It just shows you are not sincere with your hobby. When you learn something is because you want to learn it without thinking of the returns. Of course you can think of the returns but put interest and passion in front first and you will see yourself being far more happy. Yes, of course, learn something also that can provide bread and butter. Why not? We live in a world of capitalising every damn thing which money cannot even be brought into the coffin. However, I do agree that it's more comfy to cry in a Ferrari than a worn-out non-branded car. =)

Anyways, what I wanted to conclude is that never ever let someone to influence our own decisions or thinking. We know what's best for ourselves.

Singing nourishes my soul. So what it does not give me any returns. Who knows I may be a famous singer like Susan Boyle? She was not discovered at a young age. She was a hidden talent. Don't think so much of returns for we will be controlled by it instead.

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Horror flicks
Tuesday. 11.29.16 8:41 pm
I watched 3 horror films in 2016 to date. The most in my whole life. I usually don't watch horror films but I keep winning tickets to watch horror films!

Renaye! Stop entering those horror movie contests!!! But I can't help it! I love freebies!

Note: saving a url here!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jdyg8jt0OQU&sns=fb

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Ego and pain
Sunday. 11.13.16 7:05 pm
Argh. I think I am developing some huge ego and pain here. I just get irritated when someone said something directly to me. I keep asking myself why I am feeling this pain. Oh well, ego got brush, frankly. But then why?

I don't really know why, frankly. I feel pain means pain la!

Can I accept the truth? Yes I can even though it's painful as hell. So why did I feel pain now when my friend said I'm being judgemental on FB? He posted a video of a youth debating in youth parliament and concluded that the youth parliament is just a talk shop and bla bla. My reply was a situation picked from my observation recently about some university students not informing the new bus driver to stop at the usual departure area hence I cannot imagine the same kids fighting for human rights unless something drastic happens to them like what happened to Mahatman Gandhi.

My friend replied that I have no right being judgmental and "So we should take the fault they think that way because thats how we telling them to behave and think."

No. I shall not take the fault nor blame for having minion workers. I have done my part in making students think. Unfortunately, the system that we have do not encourage thinking instead enhance the spoon-feeding system. Even if we tried, the parents will complain that their kids are 'suffering'. And education institutions fear parents and their kids because they are the paymasters.

My ego is really hurt when I read that sentence. I SHALL NOT BE part of the fault.

In fact, isn't he being judgemental to say ME, part of the WE, for not doing my part in educating the kids?

I have been thinking of what to reply to him. I have known him for 4 years but mainly online. I know he is very opinionated and the type of wanting to be a leader. And I seriously do not want to pick a fight on FB. To say 'you are judgmental' is the same being an asshole like him.

Do I like confrontations? No. Do I mind engage in confrontations? If I have to. Am I being a wussy? Well, maybe, but I have learnt that winning in confrontations only bring glory to myself but hurt to others. Therefore, I disengage and try to talk the truth during negotiations. No point of nuking everyone when we all need to live with each other. People will say whatever they want and when there's a reply they don't want to hear it will consider as outrage.

I think I have been too nice. People say I am not sensitive. Ok I changed my words to accommodate those sensitives. People say I am too demanding. Ok. I changed. People say I am too straightforward. I try to change but no matter what it's still quite straightforward, I mean the truth is the truth right? Where is the part where people like to say 'accept me for what I am'?

What a BS. I keep reflecting and then I realised it's all about YOU. When YOU don't like being hurt, YOU tell others to CHANGE for YOU. When a person says something back, YOU say SOMETHING to make YOURSELF HEARD because YOU THINK it's more 'politically correct' than YOUR pals.

It's all about YOU.

People say we change for our own good. True. I agree in a way. But for me, it has to come to the bottom place where IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU.

I was talking to a friend about the ex-friend who banned me on FB just because I said 'you hit jackpot' on her engagement photo. And then the few minutes later came the thunder of words: "I am marrying him not for the money. I marry him because I love him very much. Don't ever say that when you don't know me!"

Err.. yes, your bf then hubby is super rich who buys you stuff. Yes, your mutual friends and I did agree you are lucky to have such wealthy husband. But did my words ever indicated you are marrying him for the money? Jackpot carries various meanings in my context. She got this bf for a long long time... To have found someone you like who loves you back for what you are and having a harmony relationship isn't like hitting a jackpot?

Come on kid. Eat more walnuts. They are good for your brain. But actually my real meaning is she really is lucky to have married a wealthy husband.

And if you read the previous post... this was the example given to me that I am an asshole towards sensitive people that my words hurt her that I am poor in communication skills. Right.

It's ALL ABOUT YOU at the expense of my ego and pain so YOU can be EMBRACED by the SOCIETY.

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Caught!
Saturday. 10.29.16 9:10 am
I had a meeting with my international youth network members last weekend. We were early except for the host. He woke up late. He watched three movies the night before and dozed off. Right. he forgot about us.

Anyways, he was fumbling when setting up the projector and what not. Since we have Skype calls, we had to set up the skype over projector.

The moment he turned on his laptop, the first thing we saw was "Look at Patrick's BIG Dick." We went "OHHHHH, what?!". He fumbled even more to switching the browsers!

The lesson learnt was remember to 'wipe' the browsers before an event. That's what I do, always. I always make sure my browser or desktop has no 18sx items. HAHA.

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Splitting hair
Tuesday. 10.25.16 11:32 am
The only thing I wanna do now is not to do anything except to sleep and rest and not to see anyone.

I need a break. I need a spiritual break.

I keep feeling stupid whenever people don't reply my questions. I don't know why I am feeling like this.

I am given a task to write a press release. Being rusty, I just write whatever I can. It was not that great but better than nothing.. and my copywriter friend complaint that I didn't accept his offer when he wanted to teach me writing. At that time, I wanna learn so many things that I just did naturally what others have been telling me to do: FOCUS. Ok. I focus on others and I have been told off?

I am seeing another person who wanna teach me something but I somewhat turn down because I seriously am tired and don't have the capacity of energy to absorb the knowledge. I bet he will again criticise my choices.

What the fuck man. Give me a break.

All I feel now is my current job is a waste of my time. And everyday I just feel like getting out of there.

And I don't have anyone to share with this. I am so fucking tired.

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