Books I have completed reading since January 2013:
1. The genesis key - James Barney
2. The girl who played go - Shan Sa
3. The boy who could see demons - Carolyn Jess-Cooke
4. Tarot Spread - Barbara Moore
5. The Graveyard Book - Neil Gaiman
6. The wisdom of ptah-hotep - Christian Jacq
7. Inspector Singh Investigates: A Most Peculiar Malaysian Murder - Shamini Flint
8. Islam in our backyard; A novel argument - Tony Payne
9. Private Berlin - James Patterson
10. Movie Girl - Kate Lace
11. Trashed - Alison Gaylin
12. Step on it, Cupid - Lorelei Mathias
13. The Tales of Beedle The Bard - JK Rowling
14. Dead Poets Society - NH Kleinbaum
The Six Sacred Stones - Matthew Reilly
Thanks for the Memories - Cecelia Ahern
Friends and Enemies
Akatsuki: Nightmares & Dreamscapes
-beats in my head-
Chika-Chin's Anime Mania!
empty white space
In My World
My Blah blah Bulogu
My Little World
Sdovelly~ c'est la vie
Serene's Silent Secrets
Shuffle and Repear
Tolanic's Travel Blog
Monday. 12.9.13 3:32 am
What the hell?
My college mate posted a picture of his new baby with his wife in the labouring room. Instead of admiring how cute the baby boy is, I was glued to the wife who was lying down.
My god. She has time to put eyeliner before going into the delivery room?!
What life is?
Saturday, December 7, 2013
I just finished reading a journal article and it somehow sent me chills. It simply echoes what David Suzuki, a well-known environmentalist, said recently humans are just part of the experiment.
Yea, the experiment. What if this experiment is to see who becomes successful and who is not? If you didn't become rich and powerful, the mastermind won't see your worth? What if the game to become successful and rich by a certain benchmark is to see whether you are worth to be a member of an elite society?
I was in a bookstore recently... and a psychology book caught my attention. It read loudly "How to be happy?". And the journal article...
If we are really part of an experiment, then it has created jobs like psychologist and many more.
I suddenly feel the direction of our world is heading to is very bleak....
We may say destiny is up to me design.. but what if our future is already written somewhere. Otherwise, how did the Naadi reading can tell one's future from family to career???
What did the reaper say in the last wrapping sentence in the Book Thief?
"Humans haunt me."
Dead Poet Society
Friday. 11.29.13 8:08 pm
Well, oh well, why didn't I read the Dead Poets Society book sooner?
I should have borrowed that movie when I had the chance in college. It's a very good material. No wonder my friends were raving about it.
It makes you think of life and education on the whole. I finished reading it at 8 am today and it left me pondering in the train carriage.
The lesson in the story still applies today: Shouldn't education make us think? There are already experts in this world highlighting that our current education is very outdated. It no longer accommodate current generation of mindset. Knowing this and yet we are not doing anything to change the system. Why oh why?
Do we still need slave thinkers now? And why? When will parents release their insecurity amongst kids that they have to score in their exams to be the society's creme de la creme? Why are we still pursuing something so superficial? Is it important?
I remember how my mother screamed at me when I was not paying attention to studies when I was just 5. She said "At this rate, you are going to be a whore" over and over throughout my primary age. Lesson here is never underestimate a young child that he/she doesn't understand your words. Children do especially in this era. Poor mother who put in so much to eradicate the creativity in me. I pity my sister who listens to my parents so well that I find it hard to ascertain which is her true self until today?
When disaster happens in one life, what would you do? In the story, the parents and the school blamed on the teacher for creating a thinker. But the truth is humans are coward. We prefer to lie to ourself so we could continue floating in our comfort zone until we cradle in the earth.
Top schools produced top students. Correct. I think this is better: Top schools produced creme de la creme slaves! There are a bunch of people who are so obsessed with the three ingredients that what drove this world inhumane... do not need thinkers. And if you are one, can it feed you? Sorry mate, we are running out jungles.... Oh I wonder how's the society in The Village doing now... right... they are in a reserve. So they are save, but are we?
With the pace we are on now on humanity, I believe there is going to be a major crash and clash in our world and I don't want to know what and how it will happen.... If the world is gonna be like Startrek and a handsome guy gonna say macho-ly like "I am Khan" I don't mind, but I will be damning myself for I will be too old for that hunk. Ok. Collagen, here I come.
This book to me re-advocates creativity in us. I shall try reading the original version.
for her broken heart...
Hey, there's a poet in me! Actually, I love reading poem when I was back in primary. I wonder why... but I was drawn to it and I usually won in poetry recital in school. But for once I have never written one!
And so... I will try writing my own poem. But wait, I shall try reading poems first...
Friday, November 22, 2013
A friend of mine has been victimised by the Yolanda typhoon. She lost her mother to the event and now recuperating in a nearby city.
My friends and I were happy and thankful that she survived. We all have collectively donated money to assist in rebuilding her life.
I only found out about her disappearance when my friend expressed his concern one night. And the next day many friends posted picture of her with the usual 'have you seen her?'
That night I suddenly tapped into her and saw images of her floating by her house roof. I didn't feel any heart beat from her, and I fear for the worse. I was not very sure to believe my visions, but I sent out my invocations to the universe to save and protect her. She had a 50-50 chance of living, and I could not share this fear with my friends. What good will it do?
And I'm glad she is now alive though now she is grieving for her mother.
I never intended to ask about where was she during the event, but a mutual friend informed me that she washed away, which sent a chill to my spine.
All I could do is to send her distant healing...
Tuesday. 11.12.13 6:26 am
I cannot stop denying that I am actually told to write a memoir of myself of the aftermath of a heartbroken I have been trying to heal from for the past one year.
I have been told repeatedly that it was an unrequited love. Was it? My feelings told me it was mutual but we did not taken action. I allowed my heart to go through the unbearable pain for a year. That year I finally understood the feelings of missing someone, loving someone and worse of all keeping inside myself without sharing my feelings with him. It drove me insane, it did, and one day I felt an invisible hand removing this clogged feelings for him from my heart and it was lighter later.
I believe we think of each other all the time or rather I want to think that way...
I wanted to be with him so badly that I cried almost all the time. I could not focus daily because he occupied my mind... And yet I could not share my feelings with him.
Because I was afraid it is really a one-sided love. I know he flirts with other girls but I could not deny that my feelings were telling me he likes me too. I also heard he plays with hearts too - he gets the girl to fall for him and then treats her like she likes him without any intervention. It made me so confused till I don't know what to believe about him. Another reason why I kept my feelings for him to myself. I checked him out from friends but none were able to give me honest answers, and I didn't want people to claim and then spread that I admire him. Sometimes... curiosity kills the cat and the spirit and not mentioning my reputation. So again, suffocating myself with the feelings.
One thing I'm certain that I looked incredibly familiar to him. His eyes never took off me. I believe he could not pinpoint where we have met, but the feelings were familiar. Yes, we have met - in past lives.
I never understood why he kept looking at me... it's... freaky... I got eyes tailing me wherever I went. I have wanted to confront him as I was not comfortable with him looking at me all the time. I seriously thought this is overdoing to a pretty-looking girl. Did he ever knock onto a pillar while looking at me? HAHA. Pretty imaginative, ain't I?
Anyways, when I was in the middle of stringing confrontations sentences, I heard a voice telling me instead to get to know this person. Why need so harsh?
Day by day, I tried to melt this awkwardness I had with him. I just don't know how to handle it, to be frank. He found it sooooo awkward and yet I was trying my best to be myself and yet the wall is not coming down. I guess my reputation for that period pressurised me a lot to maintain it. In other words, I gave myself so many rules during that time. (Hm... we met outside of the toilet of a university one day and... this post came along).
I treasured the time we spent together although it was just a few hours in total. I never say my confession because I heard he has a partner... and I never asked if it's true because he reacted ... whenever I mentioned the word girlfriend.
I thought myself as brave and challenged myself stupidly to confess to him but chicken out at the very 11th hour. I wrote him a very hurtful farewell letter so he could tell himself to forget about me. How to confess to a guy who is already attached? Why do I want to be selfish?
And so he cried when he shook my hands. My message must have hurt him like hell. How can I be selfish? That is all I could think.
I know he comes here once in a while. If you do, I want you to know that meeting you is one of the three things that I would never forget. And yes, of course, drinking milo too. But I didn't say because I cannot be selfish... I don't think you would understand my intention when you were looking at me with puppy eyes.
I know this is too late but I also hope at that moment you also have been fair to me that I too don't know anything about you. That sentence of yours hurt me so much when we were under the blanket of stars. And yet, I know at that time, I already like you. And yet, I was prepared to get to know you even though I just know your name...
It's been two years since we met. I know you have moved on and I know you are already seeing someone else. I will let you go because I must.
It took me more than one year to understand the lesson behind your presence.... but you know I took more than one year to overcome this heartbreak... There were times I wish I have never met you so I won't have to experience such excruciating heartache. But this is life... If only life can be sweet all the time.
I must let you go because I come to realise the lesson you bring into my life is to learn to love myself because I was slandering my own existence, my own potential to the point I could hurt myself any time. Our society requires slaves and I was in a dilemma to conform or not, that's why.
I still think of you. I still and will always love you and genuinely pray for your happiness, because I love you unconditionally.
I will continue to work on myself so your presence won't be wasted. Let's meet again in next life...
Park and top secret mission
Friday, November 8, 2013
I recently meditated and received an answer to my question. It was really weird because the answer is the park next to my house.
I'm going to try doing what the universe told me during meditation. I'm not sure if it's going to work but I'm excited!
Secret mission in progress!
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